I, Me, Myself (2026)

This was the topic of the first article in the writing workshop I attended in 2005 in Mumbai. Revisiting the topic again today, after two decades.

Every morning, I wake up with a list of things I want to accomplish and tasks I need to finish. I plan rigorously, act decisively, learn continuously, and move through my day as efficiently as I can. My discipline lets me stick to my planned routine most of the time. 

But when I look outside and it starts raining, I immediately run outside to dance in the rain. Or sit by the window, grab a cup of coffee and listen to music that touches my heart. Everything pauses for a few minutes. I savor the moment slowly and share it with my best friends with a big smile. I linger outside long enough to see if there might be a rainbow around the corner. Sometimes I see one and my heart bursts with joy. I feel grateful for life and everything in it. 

I don’t see myself as a bundle of contradictions but rather as an assimilation of myself and all the things I love, the books I read, the places I visit, and the conversations that leave a mark on me. My mind absorbs, and expands every day. I nurture what brings me joy, treasure the relationships I have, and reflect on the one I have with myself. 

But at my core lives a sense of wonder and curiosity about life, an openness to learning and new opportunities, and the courage to say yes and to start again.

My heart flutters at the sight of flowers, rainbows, sunsets, butterflies, and fireflies. It finds peace in the mountains, forests, glaciers, and beaches. It melts at the thoughtfulness of friends, the kindness of strangers, smiles in the eyes of loved ones, and acts of grace by anyone. It finds courage and hope in the stories of others, and strength in its own resilience.

I am ambitious, but I don’t aspire to a life defined by achievements or recognition. I am here to explore and experience life fully, to embrace love as wholeheartedly as heartbreak, joy as deeply as grief, and to live a life that feels true to myself.

Believe in YOU!

In 2016, I was selected to attend a 'Winning Career Strategies for high-performing managers' workshop at Deloitte. It is a series of 3 2-day sessions in 3 different cities and the first session was in Portland in October. The fall colors and the waterfront view from our office was beautiful. Most of Day 1 was focused on self-awareness and did not sound exciting to me as I always thought of myself as a reflective person with a clear head. I wasn't sure what I was going to learn about myself in one day that I did not already know, and wished they focused on other career strategies. Day 2 was about selecting a 'Board of Directors' for yourself that would guide you throughout your career, which seemed more interesting.

We were all asked to take a Myers Briggs personality test a week ago and the results would be shared on Day 1. I have taken a couple of personality tests before and I always knew the results. I am a driver, planner with a logical and analytical mindset. The results of Myers Briggs were the same in all categories except one. In one category, it identified me as an original, imaginative, conceptual person versus a realistic, practical person analyzing facts. And boy, that threw me off. I struggled to digest that. Those results were based on answering about 150 questions in roughly 10 minutes and I wondered if they could really be of any consequence. But, instead of letting it go, I decided to dig a little deeper. The really nice coach from Flynn Heath Holt patiently listened to me, asked me a few questions and said that I look at the big picture and am not afraid to take risks which is why I fall into that Intuitive/Pioneer category. Coincidentally, I received the same set of comments from my senior manager a couple of days before, to which I did not pay a lot of attention. I discussed with another Deloitte mentor in the workshop and she said the same based on what she saw that day. Now, hearing it for the third time meant something to me. It could all just be a happy coincidence or the mentors were being really nice or it could be that I always wanted to be a visionary but thought I was not. I do not know the reason but I decided to believe in it. On my flight back home, I told myself that I am a visionary and I always look at the big picture. I let it sink in.

Just believing in it made a lot of difference in my life and my outlook. I do not know if I have always looked at the big picture till the day before, but from that day on magically, I always did. All it took was to believe that I could. You could too. #BelieveinYOU.

Love at first sight

I do believe in love at first sight. I sometimes think that even the most rational decisions that we make are based on some kind of intuition that develops in the first few minutes which we justify later with some facts and some logic. And trust me, you can always find facts and logic to suit yourself. Now, don't ask me how that intuition works. The author of 'Blink', Malcolm Gladwell, tries to explain in his book as to what happens in those first few seconds and calls it the power of rapid cognition. In normal words, I think he is trying to say that love at first sight is perfectly rational. Now, I call that some conclusion! So, where is all this leading to?

Few months ago, me and my husband were looking to buy a house. Yes, for someone who so strongly believed that the idea of owning a place to live in does not make sense conceptually or financially, that was a big change. Let's just attribute the change to 'marriage' for now, though I would explain when we meet why it all made so much 'sense' given the economy, our current situation blah blah blah. So, we had a fixed budget and a list of parameters and we set out to evaluate all the houses with this list in hand and our budget in mind. To give you some background, I did real estate valuation when working with Deloitte and had a decent idea of the US real estate market and valuation. Accompanied by a good real estate agent, we had all the tools to make a rational purchase. A couple of weekends and few house visits later, we made slight changes to the budget and the list and continued with our search.

On a Friday morning, while I was compiling the list of houses that we ought to visit over the coming weekend, I saw a new listing pop up on my screen. It was a beautiful waterfront property (with the backyard facing a lake) with a great view from the balcony, so I decided to check it out even though I had no intention of buying the property as the asking price was above our budget. Moreover, why would I pay a premium for the lake? Come Saturday morning, we were standing outside the house with our realtor who opened the door for us. The moment we entered the house, I can tell you, I was in love with it. We haven't even seen the water or the balcony yet, nor did we match it with our budget or the parameter list, but I knew this was it. The lake and the balcony only added fuel to the fire. Then came tons of logic and justifications while comparables and valuations are adjusted to fit our thoughts (I did learn a lot at Deloitte ;). And guess what, we are proud owners of this home now (Technically, we have a negligible share of it). Welcome to our first love, our new home :) The lake view is totally worth it!!

Time to fly

Newly married, a nice husband, new place and a beautiful house awaiting with all the time in the world to enjoy, a scenario I thought any normal person would find exciting. Strange enough, I feel lost. I am not there yet but I feel like an alien about to enter a wonderland. I am not sure if I could ever belong to that place but I feel removed from my world. Sooner ot later, I knew the time would come when I have to be part of someone else's world, but any amount of preparation isn't enough to face the moment. You built your own world, bit by bit, over the years and all you could take along are two tangible enclosed boxes weighing 40 kilos in total. It makes you feel uneasy and wierd though it should hardly matter in this world of technology where everything is just a click away!

Does it sound familiar to you?

Now, I am married!

Yes, it is a strange feeling. Is it the feeling of oneness or the idea of belonging to someone or the thought that there is someone always with you, I am not sure. Not that you never had people to care for you before, your family has always been there, not that you have lived alone, friends always made your day, not that there was a particular gap in your life waiting to be filled by this person, but when he comes in, your whole world changes.It begins to revolve around this one person and then you wonder like I am now doing, "Isn't it strange?"

Random

I want my epithet read: "A fighter to the core"

I think I was more matured in my teens than in my twenties

It is not so much about success and failure as much it is about what you really want to do

Express but never explain

Isn't it funny that time travels at different speeds...esp. slow in weekdays n very fast during weekends

Silly me!

I thought our life is in our control
Poor me, little did I know that
All I own is my 'shameless' smile
As my colleagues rightly put it!

Do you want me to be numb?

You know nothin is gonna stay
You know life will move on
Yet you feel the pain
Yet you feel the happiness

You meet people
You part with them
Its so natural
With so many thngs around

You know nothin is gonna stay
You know life will move on
Yet you feel the pain
Yet you feel the happiness

The truth is so obvious
So you want me to be numb?
Never let you know the pain
And remain forever mum

You know nothin is gonna stay
You know life will move on
Yet you feel the pain
Yet you feel the happiness

My Mad Logic

Bhagwan ne aisa plan banaya ki
Har kisi ke life mein ek tragedy ho
Koi bahut pyari si cheez
Milte milte hi miss ho jaye
Aur woh usi ki chahat mein mar jaaye
Marke woh bhoot ban jaaye
Bhoot ban ke logon ko pareshan kare
Phir log bhagwan ko yaad kare
Aur Bhagwan hamesha jeete rahe

My First Song...

If you don't find time
When I want
And keep me waiting
While you play

I will still talk
When you want
And sing
The song you like

I will play with you
Anytime
And be there
All the time

But...
You will never be
the same for me again
I will never be
the same ol' girl u know!

Thought of the day!

"There is a beauty in randomness that one can't define, probably the reason why the nature can't be simulated"

Positive side of life...

I have heard some people say

‘Life is not a beautiful song

As one might think’

But even if there is one person

Who thinks otherwise

I would like to believe him

Coz if I have a choice

I would take the positive side of life

As there is eternal hope in it

Though with brief disappointments

Lots of energy and drive

Though you may actually never reach

But for one who believes in the journey

More than the destination like I do

This seems to suit the best!

The first quarter of my life!

Agreed, I may not make it to the final quarter but the first one was as it should be. Youthful, energetic, enthusiastic, full of ambitions, dreams, colours! Most of it went smooth with occasional hiccups to give it a reality touch. The first ten years, I was busy packing mud into chocolate wrappers, pushing empty trucks, making sand houses, dancing in the fog of mosquito fogging machine taking it for clouds and running after grasshoppers and butterflies. Summers were even busier and lovelier with 8 cousins in our granny’s house playing everything under the sun never with any other intention except having fun. The next 10 years I spent learning, competing, making ambitious plans for future, altering them, taking U-turn and making completely new plans and putting in lots of efforts in preparing myself for them. The next 5 years, though, I was in self-discovery mode. I began to explore myself, uncover my hidden talents, and ignite my latent passions, travelled as much as I can, did a bit of adventure, met people, and made friends. Perfect! But, all this while, I never cared about anything, was afraid of nothing, never saw myself in the mirror for more than a couple of seconds nor took time to eat the essential things or learn the necessary skills to live. But, as I entered into the second quarter of my life, it seems as if life switched gears suddenly, for the good I guess. It’s quite different now to see myself making conscious effort to eat healthy, take care of my skin, my hair and learn a bit of cooking and cleaning. Though people at home have been stressing the importance of these things since ages, my otherwise sharp brain could grasp this only after I finished the first quarter of my life. Spending time on this stuff was unthinkable for me a couple of years ago, but now I completely believe it is essential! This is what people probably call ‘maturing with age!’ I have no clue, do you?

Quotation Freak - II

A continuation of my previous post Quotation freak,

"Success is not final. Failure is not fatal. It is the courage to be positive that counts" (If that somebody wudn't have said this line, I probably wud have ;)

A wise man once said “Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain.” Beautifully expressed thought on learning to live and enjoy life.

A stitch in time saves nine (As a kid, I always used to wonder what this ever meant, but now I realize that it is one of the most applicable lines ever said to mend anything, even relationships)

In deals and in life, you often benefit much more from not getting your way (This thought from a Private Equity Blog completes my previous post Think long-term and it amazes me how the author said so much in such simple words)

"Don't take life too seriously, nobody gets out of it alive anyways" (This has different angles to it and to me it means to live it your way)

Dar ke aage jeet hai (Simply superb theme from the Mountain Dew's campaign)

This too shall pass (Jewish wisdom in one line)

More to come...

Delhi and I

The city catches your fascination with its old qilas, impresses you with its architecture, pleases you with its gardens and makes you comfortable with its wide roads. It has got the best of foods in its majestic hotels and even better food on its streets, the best branded clothes in its sprawling malls and an amazing collection outside them - only you got to find out. With regular artistic performances, never ending tourist places, innumerable pubs and dhabas, the city has got something to everybody's taste. It has got men who are smarter and women who are more fashionable than you can find in the rest of India. With its huge variety and a political air, it fully deserves its title as the ‘Capital City’. My stay in Delhi has been eventful and even after 3 years of staying there, visiting quite a few places and participating in its diversity, I still feel like a stranger and the city seems to be beyond my grasp!

P.S: And don't I miss the unbeatable passion and spirit of Mumbai!!

The year that was!

She had been a challenge

She taught U many things

You emerged a stronger person

While she is about to leave

Send her off with a smile

But keep her memories within

Share them with your loved ones

And always keep smiling :)

Welcome 2010 with

A smile and warm thoughts

Wish that you know what you want

And get all that you need

WISH YOU A HAPPY NEW YEAR

Have a great time!

Think long-term!!

Few years down the line, millions of people might want to know this. But, since you have been with me during my formative period, I thought I will share this with you right away. It has always worked for me. Both on personal and professional fronts and in all walks of life. I have taken most of my decisions based on this and with each decision, my belief in this only increased. So, my sincere advice to all you guys reading this is to think long-term. It sounds simple but I have seen many people suffer because of lack of this approach. I don’t want you to do that. Before you take any hasty decision, before you get too excited or disappointed, before you let some incident affect you so much and you lose self-confidence, stop for a while and think long-term. How is this going to help you or affect you 5-10 years down the line? Is it hindering you from becoming or helping you to become the person you really want to be? You might realize that you have been giving a lot of importance to many things that might be insignificant to you in the long-term. And that you are neglecting things that are really important to you for the short-term benefits of success, praise and the like. So, I urge you friends, to give it a thought before you actually put your time and efforts into something because unfortunately we can’t yet travel back in time.

P.S: I might have sounded a little preachy, but believe you me, if you are born in a family of teachers and professors like I did, you can’t avoid that strain in you, however hard you try ;)

Basic Instincts!!

They were right!! Our ancestors were animals!! No, I haven’t done any research on this topic nor did Darwin come in my dream and convince me. I could just feel it in me, all that immense force, the raw power, and the ruthlessness of a hunter while I work to reach my goals. I could not but associate these qualities to my ancestors. I could associate the forces within me to the roaring of a sea so much so that I could hear the same sound from the waves and within. The passion which fills me up at times is so overpowering to behave sanely in this sophisticated world. My ruthlessness at work sometimes puts my more suave fellow mates at unease. I sometimes wonder if somehow my ancestral roots are stronger than the rest or the others managed to sever them sooner. I just thought your comments might help me in figuring out J

Communism to capitalism

There was a time when I was completely driven by the communist ideas. Probably it was in my blood with my grandfather being a staunch communist. It also may have got something to do with me growing up in his room after his death though I can’t be sure. Whatever it was, as a teenager, I grew up harbouring grand ideas about building an orphanage chain and visited quite a few orphanages in that context. Then came my graduation days when I started discussing with like minded people and realized what the Chinese once said actually makes lot of sense! (For the uninitiated - “Catch a fish for a man and he is fed for a day. Teach a man to fish and he is fed for life”). So, the idea metamorphosed into building a chain of vocational training centres for youth. After discussions with well-wishers, it further evolved into joining the civil services for the greater good. And by this time, I completed my graduation and moved to mumbai to join my first job. Preparations for civil services were going on with full swing. It was during that time, on one fine day while I was poring over my sociology notes that the power of reasoning struck me like a thunder. What and how much did I intend to achieve by helping a few people help themselves and struggling my entire life to make it happen? It might give me a feeling of self-worth but is it the best possible way? I felt the need to explore, learn more before I can put my faculties to the best possible use. I began to think and Ayn Rand, through her writings, added fuel to the fire. I realized that there is lot more to me than just the sympathetic side I was trying to address. There is definitely a desire to create and produce things, to take the society to the next level, to contribute to the humanity and enable a better living. But, there is an even more burning desire to explore and excel. Preparations continued, but this time for MBA. Communism turned to capitalism and my desire to excel continues, till something else strikes!

My tryst with the Nature

Every moment spent with the enchanting Nature becomes a cherished memory of my life. Probably there is nothing in this world that can match the sound of the sea, colours of the sky, gurgles of the waterfall, mightiness of the hills, beauty of valleys, the serene woods and the icy clouds. I would like to share some of my moments of bliss with all of you.

Ooty (My first visit to a hill station)
Walking through the woods, facing the waterfall, going on a boat ride amidst lush green and serene surroundings, I could still see them all in my mind’s eye.

Lohgad (An innocent trek; Hardly did I know it would turn into a passion later)
Walking up the mighty hills covered with green trees and meeting the icy clouds flowing at great speeds on the hill top was bliss.

Kolad (I love adventure sports!)
My heart missed a beat when I first pulled my feet off the hill to start rapelling. Whether it is sitting under a tree facing the river flow or in a barren land with 20 strangers at midnight or sleeping in self-made tents and hemaks or eating the food cooked in a bonfire, it was a unique experience.

Lonavala (Paradise on Earth)
Sitting right under the waterfall coming with full force and great sound from a few hundred metres height was one of the most thrilling experiences that I ever had. On a drizzling day, you are sure to get lost in the beauty of its surroundings.

Rishikesh (Heard of white water rafting?)
Jumping from 50 ft height straight into ice cold water was more than thrilling. Staying in a tent overlooking a beautiful stream with the brightest sky that I have ever seen was perfect.

The pine trees in Kodaikanal, forests in Kerala, hills in Shimla, parasailing in Mussorie, and the picturesque view in Araku are equally memorable experiences.